Why Xianyihouyang more pleasant?

We should be good at interpersonal attraction changes in the application of the principles in their daily work and life, try to avoid because of their inadequate performance caused by the impression to others of their own to reverse the negative direction. Second, in the process of forming impressions of others, we should avoid the impact of its loss of objectivity and fairness.
There is a dormitory behind the parked a bad car, big backyard kids out to play every night after school, they climbed on the car, in the above bouncing rumbling, noisy hubbub so are unable to get a good rest, in the case of repeated, an old man come up with a way out. That day, his children say: "The kids are today, you have competition, jumped the most prize ring a toy gun." Children were very pleased, competing bouncing, excellent winners were as expected. The next day, the elderly went to the front of the car, said: "Today continues to competition, the prize is two candy." Prizes the children see a straight line down one after another unhappy, no one hard bouncing, sounds thin and weak. Third day, the elderly also told the students that: "Today the grand prize is two peanuts." The children one after another under the car: "No jumping, and not jumped, and I did not mean. Home watch TV go."

This is a very interesting story. Life, often this happens: "frontal assault" hard work, "curve" can only "national salvation."

For the elderly began to reward the children actually showed the children jump up praise acts to stimulate the children to continue jumping enthusiasm. Then gradually reduce this kind of recognition and rewards, of course, the kids will become increasingly unhappy, there will be no acts of emotions.

The story actually embraces a very common principle of social psychology. In social psychology, there is a "changes in interpersonal attraction principle" to the effect that: people are most like those of their own liking, rewards, commended the increasing number of people or things, most do not like their love, rewards, praise was declining empowered to make.

Xiaogang After graduating from college assigned to a unit's work has just entered the unit, he was determined to make good positive performance of some in order to give leaders and colleagues to leave a very good first impression. So he moved up to units in a day fetching water sweeping, holiday volunteered to work overtime to lead the task of layout of some of his obviously very difficult and unpleasant task of bearing Yi Gai when she was stopped.

Originally, just go to work for young people to look at the performance of self is nothing wrong, but the problem is Xiaogang's performance at this time with a real ideological consciousness and acted very different attitudes and patterns far, mixed with "over-performance" of the components. Which would be difficult to have a long perseverance. Soon afterward, Xiaogang and the water not to fight, and to not sweep, and often late, the task of leadership is Tiaofeijianshou layout. A result, leaders and colleagues of his impressions from a bad turn for the better, even more than those who began coming to a time when the youth held by the poor performance is not a good impression. Because everyone already had one of his "high expectations, high standards," In addition, we think that he had just started when a "pretend" and "honest" assessment of our society a person's "core quality."

A mental experiment: let others hear your reviews.

The U.S. social psychologist Aronson and Linder invited a number of subjects were divided into four groups to participate in an experiment in which subjects were in fact a researcher's assistant, that is false were tested, the researchers arranged the name of pseudo - Subjects were engaged in these subjects were their interim head. Rest period in each experiment, this assistant will leave the test were to study the office of presiding officer to report to situations in which talk about the other participants were of the impression and evaluation, subjects were lounges and study their moderator only a wall separating the office, although the two low voice conversation, but to the ingenuity of the experiment, so that subjects were able to clearly hear every time someone else how to evaluate.

There are four specific situations: --- make sure that the first group always received good evaluations were tested: sham were tested from the outset to appreciate the tone of what they will say how good, how he would like them to; denied --- for the first two groups were tested, false subjects were all from the beginning to the end of their negative attitude; increase --- the third group, the previous assessment is negative, the latter several times to gradually shift from the negative positive. Reduce the --- on the fourth group, the previous evaluation is positive, the latter several times to gradually shift from the positive negative.

Then, the researchers asked to what extent all the test like the assistant. Let subjects were started from -10 to +10 scale to make the answer and found that like the level of average: the first group of a score of +6.42, +2.52 second group, the third group was +7.67, the first four groups of +0.87.

Are you sure others, other people like you; you deny others, they do not like you are.

The researchers believe that the performance of the first two groups illustrates the interpersonal attraction in the "interaction principle", that is, you are sure that other people, other people like you; you deny others, they do not like you. In this regard, psychologists Homans further found and pointed out that exchanges between people is essentially a social exchange process. Only when a relationship is worth it for people, people exchanges between the acts to appear, before they can establish and maintain interpersonal relationships.

Many studies have shown that interpersonal relationships in love and loathing of each other close and distant, in normal circumstances, like our people, we would like them; are willing to close to our people, we are willing to go near. For alienate us, hate our people, our response is appropriate, for they will alienate and disgust.

"Returning the favor," "Time to reciprocate," this kind of psychological experience is most people have experienced, in real life, people are consciously or unconsciously, to use the principles of this interaction, to balance each other's feelings and coordinate relationships.

There is no love for no reason, no hate for no reason. Friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship, which is the basis of friendship lies. Otherwise, as unrequited love is not love, like "a hot-sided affair," in exchange for your enthusiasm with other people's indifference, the two sides fail to resonate with emotion, friendship can not be established nor sustained.

So, life is like a mirror, if you want a smile, you have to first give someone a smile. Do not wholeheartedly want other people to do for you, because in fact there is no obligation to others. First asked to accept themselves, affirmation, to support the people around you, and you will harvest them to your liking and respect.

"The do not want to have, do not impose on people," more than 2,000 years ago, ancient Chinese philosophers Confucius held the view the West as an ethical and moral principles or essential elements of gold. Indeed, put themselves for the sake of others, they do not like, do not Naqu Ji others, if we can do that, then the relations between people, between countries and even many of the conflicts could be solved easily.

Deny their own people had become sure that the ultimate object of their highest degree of love.

In addition, the most important contribution of this experiment is to reveal the interpersonal attraction in the "neutral principles", the data show that people deny their own original and ultimately become an object like to confirm their highest levels, significantly higher than had been assured of their own contacts an object, and for changes from positive to negative contacts an object like the least, well below the targets have been denied our own contacts. In other words, in interpersonal relationships, our favorite is the love of our ever-increasing level, while the most obnoxious is the steady decline in the level of our favorite people.

Later, other scholars of the experimental studies to prove this point, and to this phenomenon as "the principles of interpersonal attraction or the pros and cons of the change in principle." The Aaronson is humorously referred to as "marital infidelity on the law"; means the premises received praise from strangers is often more appealing than the spouse's approval. In the course of time considerable period of time because the latter years of the degree of their liking gradually decreased, while the former approval from the indifference suddenly changed its direction, giving the impression that is very profound. So, people's psychological tendency that lurks in the possibility of infidelity for love.

In real life, some people are very shenanigans, he did not do anything to give you what grace, but tell you nothing, and changing grateful to him. Some people even the psychological effect is also unclear, but could not be done consciously used, although the effort did not do things to please.

In a food store, customers often prefer to line up in a salesman there to buy food, while other sales are nothing to do, one day ask her what store leadership know-how. "It's simple," she answered, "others said the candy salesman, always packed full of the first, and then out out, but I was the opposite, first pretend to be a little less, weigh, when added some, and just saying that on the 1: 'I will give you two, thank you for your patronage, please come back', this is my know-how. "

In fact, each salesperson to sell customers things are not too much on the Jin Liang, but much more if the first load and then out out, the customer will be considered to be out from his bag to take, psychologically easy to suspect that short-scale ; on the contrary, if the sugar should first install a small, weighing, when go down to where Tim, customers create a sense of trust on the sales, but also consider themselves an advantage.

Therefore, we must be good at interpersonal attraction changes in the application of the principles in their daily work and life, try to avoid because of their inadequate performance caused by the bad impression to others of their own to reverse itself. Second, in the process of forming impressions of others, we should avoid the impact of its loss of objectivity and fairness